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T-Shock


In the wake of  the recent local election results Fianna Fail have announced a dramatic attempt to connect with the youth of Ireland in advance of the next general election. Brian Cowen is to record a politically themed rap album under the alias “T-Shock.”  A spokesman for the Taoiseach said “T’s been in the studio laying down some beats with producer and minister for all sorts of  ill noize Will-he O.D?”


The album, believed to be title “I-rock-this Eireann” will be released before the end of the year and in a publicity blitz to drum up anticipation for the release a series of previously unseen photo’s (below) have been “leaked” to help establish Brian Cowens credentials as a rapper.

T-Shock presents President Obama with bowl of bubonic chronic


The tracks on the album are all thought to address contemporary problems facing Ireland and carry a  pro Fianna Fail message.


Tracklisting:


1. B(itches) I(z) F(uckin’) F(or) O(ffally)
2. EU and me
3. Da Budget
4. Pension Levy, the re-up.
5. Health Service Sexecutive.
6. Coalition on snitchin’
7. Fianna Failatio
8. Don’t hate, deregulate
9. Two term T-Shock
10. Center Right is out of sight


A spokesperson for Fianna Fails electoral committee defended the new approach to gaining votes, “We’re behind in the polls, we need to be bombastic, results need to be fantastic,the other parties are plastic so shit needs to get drastic”. When asked to clarify this position the spokesman replied “naw, you either get it or you dont, we aint frontin” he then called the reporter who asked the questions a “punk bitch”

Sinn Fein “Not overly worried about a gang fight with FF”


In recent weeks there has been an increase in the amount of complaints levied against Fianna Fail T.D’s for the use of “unparliamentry language and behaviour” in one complaint a Sinn Fein deputy reported that a Fianna Fail junior minister told him “you run around frontin’ like you a G, like you some big deal because you used to have guns, but we Fianna Fail we the real G’s  ! Do you how many mother fuckers are dead because of us ! Have you ever heard of the HSE! Mother ****er we cancelled cancer vaccines for twelve year old girls, we bail out our banking homies and then cancel building a specialised Cystic Fibrosis unit when mother ****ers be dying young, mother ****er” according to the complaint the Fianna Fail deputy then ripped off his shirt, pressed his forehead against the Sinn Fein deputies forehead and repeated to shout “what” for 30 seconds. Sinn Fein have said they are not overly worried at the possibility of a gang fight with Fianna Fail.


It is thought this new direction for both Brian Cowen and Fianna Fail will last till the next general election after which it will be re-evaluated based on the size of Fianna Fails defeat.


(For the real story click here)


Dec.

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