Shearer and Magpies facing D-Day Dave May 25, 2009 Blogs Tyneside, 09:00. Newcastle in combat training A tear in the very fabric of time itself has seen Newcastle United and Alan Shearer flung backwards in time. Now instead of facing Aston Villa in a final day relegation battle they will be facing the entire military strength of Nazi Germany. This is the last thing we needed, especially in the relegation battle said a source close to the club.In particular its been very difficult for Alan (Shearer) its his first job as manager and now instead of surviving relegation he has to train the lads to kick in the door of the Third Reich .not even Alex Ferguson could pull this one off said the source. F.A “relatively inexperienced” with time travel Officials at the Football Association have announced that because Newcastle now only exist within the mists of time they are uneligable to compete in any of the leagues sanctioned by the F.A. As far as were concerned there is no Newcastle United, as the F.A is relatively inexperienced with time travel we can t speculate as to the fate of the squad, they may well be dead. Newcastle United Football Club has appealed to members of the science community for help in returning the squad of players from the mists of time. A press release by Newcastle United Football Club states We appeal to all physicists to contact us if they feel they can help. The families of our players would really appreciate any assistance you can render at this time. By the same token we also appeal to anyone at all who feels they could help us sort out this situation. Derek Acorah “Very willing to help” A press release by Newcastle United Football Club states We appeal to all physicists to contact us if they feel they can help. The families of our players would really appreciate any assistance you can render at this time. By the same token we also appeal to anyone at all who feels they could help us sort out this situation.People who are already thought to have offered their services are goalkeeper turned lunatic conspiracy theorist David Icke and former most haunted medium Derek Acorah. The shock departure of Newcastle from this plain of reality has drawn mixed reactions from the world of football. Where as most messages have been supportive and wishing the stranded players well Eamonn Dunphy has said NAH, its the worst display of chronological distortion Ive ever seen Bill, totally shocking. It is not thought that Newcastle Uniteds involvement in the past will affect our present. for the real story click here http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/eng_prem/8063179.stm) Dec (dec@comedyireland.ie) Tweet
