“Surprise f***er !”


It was a lazy Sunday morning in the Middle East. In the country of Lebanon people were coming back from the bathroom in their y-fronts and looking forward to having an extra few hours in bed when without warning the front doorbell rang. Falling out of bed with a swear Lebanon threw on old tracksuit bottoms and the nearest t-shirt to hand, a knorr quick soup t-shirt that it was given at a publicity event and stumbled down the stairs to open the door.


“Imagine my surprise when I open the door at 10 o’clock on a Sunday morning and there’s Hillary Clinton standing there like its nothing out of the ordinary and shocked at me for being in bed at that time on that day !” said Lebanon’s President Michel Suleiman speaking to a Lebaneese news station. After calling unannounced the U.S secretary of state proceeded to push her way into Lebanon and then declared “what does a woman have to do to get some breakfast around here”.


After excusing himself to go upstairs and get dressed President Suleiman returned downstairs, according to his account of the situation “The house stank of burning toast, I had to run into the kitchen to turn off the grill. Clinton had put on toast without asking me and then just forgot about it. As I was cleaning up she started shouting “Micheal, Micheal, come here dude, no way” she was after going through all my dvds…without asking me, my names not even Micheal, its Michel.”

Mrs. Clinton on finding “The Dark Knight” on DVD


“Dude! you have Dark Knight! **** yeah! lets ****ing watch it now man, with the commentary!, this is AWESOME !” said Mrs Clinton. President Suleiman tried to explain to Mrs. Clinton that he already had plans for the day and was actually very busy “I explained to her that I had a full schedule that day and that I was already late for a conference call with Israel over the Golan Heights issue, she just kept responding with “why so serious?” for half an hour she kept insisting we watch The Dark Knight every time   I told her I couldn’t she’d just say “why so serious?” she’s ruined that film for me.”


Mr.Suleiman finally relented and agreed to watch The Dark Knight. “So, I finally say ok and we start watching it….then about half an hour into it she starts saying how bored she is and now she wants to do something else, by this point I kind want to watch the rest of The Dark Knight but she just keeps going on about how fake it looks and how its only popular because Heath Ledger died.”

A bored looking Mrs.Clinton


“Dude, this is so ****ing BORING, why do you have such a gay film, lets do something else” Mrs.Clinton then ran off to find a CD player, upon finding one she said “Hey! Mick, come here man, listen to this it’s Lady GaGa, she’s so fucking awesome. Dude you’re president of this whole ****ing country, call her and ask her to come over dude, fuck I’m so excited, do it, do it, do it.”  Mr.Suleiman then had to pretend to call Lady GaGa “Do you know how embarrassing it is to have to ring my friend and pretend like I’m talking to some hollywood agent.”

President Suleiman laughs awkwardly with Clinton


“I had to start pretending I was feeling sick” said Mr. Suleiman. “By 6 o’clock, after she had been here for around eight hours it became clear she had no intention of leaving. She had even suggested that “we order take away as she might just crash on the couch.” I had to get rid of her, I told her that I had this bowel thing that needed checking up on, she left two hours later after insisting I play her in Street Fighter 4 on the Xbox. I never thought I’d miss Condoleezza Rice….she was a bitch, but at least she was too the point. Well, I suppose it’s best its out of the way now and she wont be back for a good few years”.


Speaking on her return to America Mrs. Clinton said “Dude. I’m not stupid, I know that Mick didn’t have a bowel thing. I’m just a very honest person and too real for some people to cope with, Micks a good guy, he’s just stuck in his buttoned down conformist world and to afraid to experience life sometimes. **** it man I’ll just call ahead next time”


(For the real story go to http://www.rte.ie/news/2009/0426/clintonh.html)


dec@comedyireland.ie

 

 

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