Hardcoir

Sweary

 

Y’know, I don’t trust this Coir crowd.

Sure how could I? There they are, circling the streets, each moving with the grace of a starving pterodactyl, each as unflappable as Chris De Burgh’s ego. Their posters stare down from telephone poles I never noticed, mocking me with snippets from horror stories I’ve never read, tutting at the cynicism I didn’t know I lacked. They’re like legions of … Danas, fucking Danas in red t-shirts, blithering about the European Super State and how it’ll force me into abortions at gun point and how I’ll have to serve in its army for a euro an hour whilst Germans bathe in stem cells. But then Coir, and their buddies in Youth Defence, are in the Worrying trade; worrying themselves, and trying to worry the rest of us, who worry them so.

Their No To Lisbon campaign is, in fact, so worrying, that I think they’re having us on. And not just “having us on” in the sense that spreading Weekly World News style fallacies and foggy statistics is having us on.

It’s very easy to dismiss Coir as a bunch of dipshits with their heads so far up their own holes, they’re strumming “Lying Eyes” on their tonsils. Coir’s links to Youth Defence alone is enough to mark the whole enterprise as a sanity-free zone, plus, to butter a slice of halftruth with sketchiness and call it a Manifesto in Ireland takes at least as much charisma as Willie O’Dea, and the poor cunts don’t even have that. There’s no way the majority would agree with Coir’s shaky statements; the natural reaction is to dismiss the fuckers’ arguments, and distance yourself as far as possible from the whole ugly affair. Which is why Coir’s involvement is so damaging to the No argument. The fact that they claim responsibility for the first No vote will do more to swing those voters back to Yes camp than any amount of canvassing, free cake, or punishment beatings.

Which is why I think Coir is actually a tool of the Yes camp.

Think about it. It makes perfect sense. What better way to ensure people agree with your point of view than to label any dissenting voice as the voice of a half-baked gobshite? Or, in this case, the voice of a poisoned, withering Ireland, all morals and no backbone – Fear and Loathing in the Front Row at Mass?

Had you a genuine reason to vote No, you’d be fucking mortified to admit it now, wouldn’t you? And we’re hardly going to award another victory to as smug a gang of crackpot biddies as we fear Coir to be? The resounding message I get from Coir’s campaign is, “Don’t be a backwards bog-trotting lunatic! Vote Yes!” Clever, isn’t it?

Props for propaganda, yes sirree. The whole malarkey has inspired the shite out of me. I plan to launch a new website shortly, and it shall be called “People Youth Defence Fancy”, and with it I shall end the uncalled-for careers of 2/3 of Irish “celebrities”.

I think I’ll feature Twink first.

www.coddlepot.com