Time limit on partnership talks

The Government has announced that the next round of the Social Partnership talks will have a new format in the hopes of jump starting the process and finding a resolution. In the new, expanded format every union representative will have a mere 30 seconds to make their case to the Taoiseach and minister for finance. If the Taoiseach and Minister for finance are not completely repulsed then the union representative will go through to the next round.

The next round requires the union representative to select the amount that their union members will be taxed. There are numerous boxes containing figure from 1 euro per week to 250 per week. When the union member has selected the minister for Finance will then ring a shady and mysterious character called “The Banker”, the Minister for Finance will then ask “The Banker” for permission to tax the amount the union representative has picked.  An insider said “The Banker is definitely calling the shots. What The Banker says goes, no questions asked. The Minister for Finance may as well just stay home, The Banker runs the show.”

A Teachers Union representative leaves Government Buildings empty handed

The plan is being viewed “with interest” by other countries. Hans Vestergaald a spokesman for the EU said “Yes, this game show idea definitely fits with our free market principles. If the workers in the majority want to show why their pay packets shouldn’t be cut to make up for the mistakes of a minority of bankers and speculators then they should compete for it. It would be unfair to punish those responsible when everyone is supposedly equal and must compete on an equal playing field.”

Taxi union negotiator jumps over a pit of Crocodiles for the opportunity to discuss licensing issues.

The game show plan is not just being used by the government for arbitration with Trade Unions it a pilot scheme has been launched in some workplaces. It is being championed by IBEC as “the natural replacement” of the Labour Relations Committee. IBEC spokeswoman Helen Finn said “The idea of both sides presenting their arguments and an appointed official ruling on a solution is archaic. We need a system where the businessmen and women of this country can get this country working again without having to worry about things like employees. Let them compete for everything, let them eat cake.”