Protest to call for ‘no borders’

Calais, 9:00am

Protests calling for an end to borders and nations has been met with exasperated groans from almost everyone except the protesters themselves.  Where as the protesters have called it “the most important protest in the history of the world” it has been described by some members of the general public as “well intentioned, but really, really pointless”. The “abolish borders” protest is the latest in a long line of what police call “heart in the right place” or “H.I.R.P” protests.

Actual picture of protest camp

 

A spokesman for the international association of police forces said “Every summer it happens, with the colleges and universities letting out and the good weather these sorts of protests are inevitable. You get kids who have studied basic sociology for a three week semester and consider themselves the next Che Guevara.Then they go and set themselves up in a marquee from Homebase and get disposable BBQ’s from Tesco.”

Abolish Money

 

The “Abolish Borders” protest comes on the back of a protest in London to “Abolish Money”. Protesters gathered together in the center of one of the richest cities in the world to try and put an end to the entire basis of  an economic system that has been in existance since the Roman Empire. The protest turned violent when the Anti-Money protest crossed paths with an Anti-Poverty demonstration and Police had to interveen to keep the two sides separated.

Anti-Poverty demonstrators clash with police

 

A spokesman for the “Abolish Poverty” campaign was quick to point the finger of blame at the “Abolish Money” campaign. A spokesman said “We’re out here trying to make a difference in the lives of those affected by poverty and these….idiots want to make everyone poor by abolishing money…it’s disgraceful, shame on them. It flies in the face of everything we stand for, people need money to not be poor and if these people succeed in abolishing money then everyone will be poor, we can’t let that happen.”

Students set to waste time protesting things that arent even happening

 

What police are dubbing “the long hot summer of pointless protests” is set to escalate with students set to protest things that aren’t even happening like a war with Iran. When passing a protest against “government fatcats” a volunteer worker for a homeless outreach project in Dublin city was said to remark “If just 5% of the crowds that turned out to this protest against nothing volunteered where I worked it could really increase our operational capacity dramatically. This just seems like the easy way out while allowing you to still complain and feel important”.

(For the real story click here dec@comedyireland.ie)

– Dec