funnyhow

 

 

 

 

 

Gulf of Aden, Somalia.


The United Nations,International Maritime Bureau and Interpol are all looking to bring to justice those who perpetrated a daring raid on an Italian flagged ship sailing in international waters this weekend. The commercial freighter “Sloop John B.” was sailing off the coast of Somalia when it was approached by smaller craft carrying heavily armed men. Upon boarding the ship the pirates forced the crew into lifeboats and set them adrift in open water.The crew were safely rescued by an American gun boat patrolling the area. Speaking at a press conference, the captain of the Sloop John B. said “I feel so broke up,I want to go home”.

Suspected Pirate Base


The exact fate of the ship is not known at this point and it is the latest in a long line of ships that have  been attacked by pirates and have subsequently vanished. It is thought that the ship will be taken to an outlying island of Somalia. Jean-Piere Monc of the International Maritime Bureau said “We suspect that the same group of people are behind all the recent hijackings, we just don’t know where they operate from. We know the general area and heavily suspect one particular island but without further investigation we cannot say for sure.”


“We advise all ships to avoid the area until further notice” said Patrick Ngonwe of Interpol. “It is not safe for ships, we are assembling a crack team to investigate the area and sort the truth from the fiction surrounding these pirates.” Very little is known about the organisation of pirates, they have no apparent hierarchy and so far have been unresponsive to all invitations to dialogue with the maritime authorities.

Interpol team set to investigate recent pirate activity.


Mr. Ngonwe also said “we have been analyzing the reports of these pirate attacks and we can issue these symbols to be on the look out for if you venture into the area in question. We urge you to be wary of any 17th century, tri-masted, all wooden vessel flying a tattered flag bearing skull and cross bones motif. We also urge you to be weary of any man who uses the term ‘avast,scurvy or yargh’ “.
Condemnation of the seizure was immediate and damming from the Bermuda based International Federation of Pirates who have been seeking to legitimise Pirating as a career. “Yargh, it flys in the face of all we be fighting for matey. It does be a bitter pill to swallow me lad, we be fighting for pirating while some scurvy curr’ be out there doing this and making us all look like lilly livered, landlubbers” said reformed pirate and IFP spokesman Captain Blackheart.

IFP spokesman Captain Blackheart


Napster, Limewire,Bearshare,Kazaa and The Alliance of Dodgy Market Stalls all echoed the IFP’s condemnation. The website “The Pirate Bay” was unable to comment due to ongoing legal action.
Tagged as: Comedy Ireland, Funny How?, Pirates, Somalia

 

About The Author