Ah tah be sure, tis nearly St. Patricks day diddly-eye. Begorrah, sure isn’t it shite altogether that even the little things cost the few shillings. Sure if those spluttering eejits above in Dublin hadn’t gone and wasted all the money then we could have have a real hooley. Bless us and save us, ah sure we’ll make the best of it to be sure, to be sure.

Go to mass:

Sure what would being Oirish be without going to a lovely mass. Sure even if you’re one o ‘dem quare religions with the beards and no pope ye should pop along to a nice mass, sure ye never know, ye might like it.

De Parade:

Oh it’s a great day to be oirish tah be sure, but tis a better day to be American, Swedish, Norwegian or god forbid British. Sure de visitors get to see how maaaaaaaaaad we Oirish truly are on St. Patricks Day. De big parade in Dublin, sure, tis always amazing. Sure there’s always bands from America, Patrick himself would be proud that the Tolland County High School Fighting Wildcat Marching Band graced Oireland with dere presence. Sure dere wouldn’t be a sniff of dem yanks if dere were still snakes around the place. Jaysus you’re some boyo Paddy, fair play.

De GAA:

Kilmurry Ibrickane V St Gall’s in d’fuball, Ballyhale Shamrocks and Portumna clash in d’hurling. Croke Park, sure it’s open in the Winter/Spring too, not just in the Summer, pop in and have an oul Oirish experience watching 30 lads at a time bate de shite out of each other.

De Queen of England:

Lord bless us and save us, tis the oul wan from next door. Just remember on dis celebration of everything oirish dat if anytin’ goes wrong, tis, her fault. If you stub your toe, tis the queens fault, if you spill a bit of your pint, tis her fault. Anything that goes wrong is her fault, tis a great day ta be Oirish.

De Pint of Plain:

Now, I wouldn’t be telling ya to go out and drink yourself into a stupor, but sure have a pint of Guinness if you’re having a pint.

Traditional Irish Poverty:

In de grand tradition of our mammies and daddies and dere mammies and daddies, dress up in fancy clothes, tah be sure, and just y’know, hang around outside your stone, one room cottage for de day with your 347 children, each one more wretched than the last.

Ah tah be sure, whatever ya do enjoy yourself, sure tis a great day tah be oirish tah be sure. Now, ladies and gentleman tah be sure, tis time to go, but lord bless us and save us I wouldn’t leave ye without a song.....

By a lonely prison wall
I heard a young girl calling
Michael they are taking you away
For you stole Trevelyn's corn
So the young might see the morn.
Now a prison ship lies waiting in the bay.

Chorus
Low lie the Fields of Athenry
Where once we watched the small free birds fly.
Our love was on the wing
we had dreams and songs to sing
It's so lonely 'round the Fields of Athenry.

By a lonely prison wall
I heard a young man calling
Nothing matters Mary when you're free,
Against the Famine and the Crown
I rebelled they ran me down
Now you must raise our child with dignity.

Chorus

By a lonely harbour wall
She watched the last star falling
As that prison ship sailed out against the sky
Sure she'll wait and hope and pray
For her love in Botany Bay
It's so lonely 'round the Fields of Athenry.

Oh if you’re Irish come into the parllllllllllour there’s a welcome there for youuuu.

- Dec