“Fine Gael Members Vote In Favour of Senate Reform”

Fine Gael sent mild shockwaves through the political establishment this week when they endorsed Enda Kennys plan to abolish the Seanad within a year, should he become Taoiseach after the next election.  Speaking on behalf of the party a spokesman said “This is definitely in the Fine Gael tradition of proposing reforms to how we do politics in this country. Like the time we suggested joining the Commonwealth, or the time we taxed children’s shoes or that whole “we’ll give you free health care” thing a few months ago. . . .I still can’t believe people fell for that one.”

“Born Leader Enda Kenny”

According to one political analyst “This is another example of Fine Gael playing a populist hand in order to latch on to what they perceive to be the will of the people. When in reality everyone knows that no one really cares about abolishing the Senate and would much rather see pay cuts in TD’s and Senators expenses and salaries and a way to see who charged the taxpayer for what. They would rather this to some giant flashy reform like Fine Gael have proposed. We have seen this before, whenever Fine Gael are ahead in the polls they try press home their advantage with a headline grabbing policy..like their Free Ice Cream and Kittens For Everyone last summer and their  “Would You Go On Out of That and Stop Your Messing Lads” white paper on reform of the Justice System.

“Actual Picture of Young Fine Gael Conference”

Young Fine Gael are thought to be “Super duper excited!” about the reforms. A spokesman for Young Fine Gael took time out from their good clean fun to explain the importance of Fine Gael to Ireland. “Yeah, we just need to show the Irish people where they would be without Fine Gael. They need us to help them make progress. If it wasn’t for Fine Gael the Irish people would eh....we would eh.....Fianna Fail are ruining this country.” When asked why in the name of God people join Young Fine Gael, the spokesman said “well, the student council need somewhere to go after 6^th year and Fine Gaels ethos of making grandiose promises they can’t possibly fulfil seems to be a perfect fit with these ex student council members”.

“We totally understand people”

“We think this proposal will definitely work to cement our lead in the polls” said a Fine Gael Spokesman. “At Fine Gael we totally understand people, I think it comes from being in opposition for the 12....13 years, you really get a sense of what people want. Now that people can finally see Fianna Fail for the lazy hippy communists they are they will put us into government and we can give them the strong progressive, somewhat random leadership that we know they need. Who knows, we may not even need Labour to make a government this time. Without that bunch of teachers and civil servants we can really crack the whip in the Dail.”

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-Dec